This Valentine’s Day, we invite you to join us in thumbing our noses at Cupid, Love and the Whole Schmaltzy Holiday!!
Introducing …
LOVE BITES: An Anti♥Valentine Blog Hop
Hostesses: The Inklingettes
Theme: Love Run Amuk, Aground or Otherwise Off Course
Schedule: Friday, February 8 through Thursday, February 14
Word Count: 250 Words
Incentive: Community spirit, inky fun and lots of laughs!
Further Incentive: Prizes! (Judging Details TBA)
* 6 Broken-hearted bookmarks made by the Divine Hammer
* A one-of-a-kind painting personalized with a quote from the winners piece donated by Lee Clements
*A one hour coaching session by Rebecca T Dickson
And this is where to sign up for it.
~:~
Here’s my bit:
Rome, about 50 AD
Valens winced as the slimy hide wrapped around his loins. It has lost the heat of its recently deceased previous owner but now smelled even worse.
Sextus, a pace or two to his right, gave a disgusted grunt, and Valens bit his lips together to stifle a snigger. Lupercalia was a serious religious ceremony. It was an honour to be chosen to have ones manly parts swathed with newly harvested goat skin, hairy side out, and to run through the streets of Rome whacking women with more strips of skin to increase their fertility.
There was little difference in hairiness between the goatskin and Sextus’s belly. It was a nice belly – rounded with good feeding, but with solid muscle beneath – and Valens wouldn’t have minded getting to know it, and the rest better. Sadly, they were so close in rank that it was better not to ask.
Warm wet touched his face – the traditional anointing with blood on brow and cheeks and breast. After which he and Sextus were supposed to laugh uproariously. A drip tickled its way down his chest, skirting a nipple, then on down. Sextus was watching it as the high priest made the invocation.
“Don’t forget,” Sextus muttered as they prepared to run. “Lucilla and Proserpina will be at the corner by the temple of Isis. I promised them both a good thwack.”
Valens sighed. Lupercalia – murdered goats, blood, laughter, whipping women . Surely there was an easier way to celebrate spring?
Elin Gregory 
LOVE it! You are a genius Elin. That “origins” thought was so off the wall it cracked me up! And I’m sure it was very true.
Amen to that.
Gotta be honest, I’m insanely thankful for candy hearts & overpriced chocolates right about now.
Fantastic entry! =)
Wow, very evocative and full of vivid imagery! Brilliant.
Oh my – that was hilarious
Very cute–once again you conquer Rome!
Oh this is fabulous. Great fun and I LOVE these two. 😃
I just love the last line. It’s hilarious.
Wonderful imagery!
A very original entry – glad I don’t live in Roman times!
Enjoyed this. Thank you Elin!
Wow!! Never thought I’d be so happy about a box of crappy chocolates!! Terrific story!! 🙂
I love the banter between these two and the realism you create with their voice. Such fantastic description and a very clever story. x
The way you described the goatskin made me absolutely squeamish. This was a great scene built so vividly with so few words. Great work 🙂
Easier? Perhaps. But nowhere near as fun… Nicely done!
Ooh, back to ancient fertility rituals—looks like love has been hitting us upside the head (and elsewhere) for a long time! Unique & wonderful take on the theme
Fabulous!
[…] Koch – "Rome" by Elin Gregory / @ElinGregory – The terrific banter, unspoken depth and character of […]
Oh wow! I loved this, and I blogged on Lupercalia here
http://www.dirtybirdiesauthors.com/2013/02/21/the-joys-of-spring/
– may I rec you and add a link through to this story?
Lol, “mad and pervy Romans”. Nice post. Of course you may link. 🙂